CHILD BAPTISM IN JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES

I wish I could scoop up the little girl below , 11 year old me ….I’d tell her “she was already whole , already loved , already enough “ before anyone tried to define her worth .

Baptism day

Yesterday was the anniversary of my baptism 30 years ago as a Jehovah’s Witness . I was baptised at 11 years old.

At that age, I believed I was making the most important decision of my life. I believed I was choosing God. What I didn’t understand then was how much of that choice had already been shaped for me long before I stepped into the water.

When I look back now, I don’t just see a baptism. I see a psychological process of conditioning.

Before I could qualify, I had to go through multiple rounds of questions with elders .Elders were adult authority figures assessing my beliefs, behaviour, understanding, and worthiness. As a child, that teaches you something powerful …. acceptance is tied to compliance. Approval is tied to giving the ‘right’ answers.

On the surface it’s presented as spiritual guidance. But underneath, it can train a child to disconnect from their own instincts and look outside themselves for permission, validation, and safety.

Then came the public declaration. Standing before a crowd at Hellaby assembly hall and formally dedicating my life to being one of Jehovahs witnesses . I did this at 11 years old , before I could fully understand identity, ,sexuality, critical thinking, or the long term consequences of that commitment .

That moment became psychologically binding. Because once something is declared publicly in a high control environment, it becomes very difficult to question later without experiencing guilt, fear, shame, or the threat of losing connection and belonging(being disfellowshipped /shunned)

That’s how conditioning often works. Not always through obvious force, but through repetition, authority, emotional pressure, and public commitment.

My nervous system learned:

‘If I conform, I am safe.’

‘If I question, I risk rejection from everyone I love and care about ‘

And when belonging is tied to obedience, you stop asking:

‘What do I truly believe?’

and start asking:

‘What must I believe to remain loved and accepted?’

For many people, baptism wasn’t experienced as a fully informed spiritual choice. It was intertwined with survival, identity, fear, and the deep human need to belong.

That doesn’t mean every individual involved intended harm. Many truly believed they were helping and saving people ……. BUT intention and impact are not always the same thing.

The impact for me was learning to override my intuition, suppress parts of myself, and hand authority over my conscience to other people . All framed as being in Gods favour .

Healing has meant reclaiming that authority.

Learning that questioning is not rebellion.

That intuition is not weakness.

That spirituality and freedom of thought do not have to be enemies.

And perhaps the deepest realisation of all is this…..

Real love does not fear questions.

Real spirituality does not require the abandonment of self.